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In an ideal world I would have all ten fingers on my left hand, so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.
I was an RA in college, and I can tell you the number 1 sexually transmitted disease, is ignorance.
Tonight might be a convenient night for us to have some intercourse.
You have no idea how high I can fly.
Where I'm from there are two types of folk, those who ain't and those who are knee high on a grasshopper. Which type ain't you ain't? Y'all come back now.
You're not allowing natural selection to work. You're like the guy who invented the seat belt.
I wish I had a lair.
You are an impressive specimen.
You can take the man out of salesman, but you can't take sales out of salesman.
This is what you get when you treat your body like an outhouse.
I've trained my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my #@&!$ up into itself.
I'm no doctor, I'm just a normal guy who enjoys revenge.
Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes.
Comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself. That's what she said!
She is hot, she has a pilates butt.
I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do. The more infantile the more upset he is, and he just skipped the Ace Ventura talking butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad.
Just say copies. Why do you have to drag cats into this?
You can be gay with Matt, just be straight with me.
My cousin came down with case of that nasty new goat fungus, oh it's just horrific. The doctor said he'd never seen it beard so quickly.
Two eyes, two ears. A chin, a mouth. Ten fingers. Two nipples. A butt, two kneecaps, a #@&!$. I have just described to you the Loch Ness Monster. And the reward for its capture? All the riches in Scotland.
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