Good morning students, teachers, faculty members, lunch ladies, janitors. This is, uh, Kenny Powers, professional baseball player. A lot of you motherfuckers think you know who Kenny Powers is. Well I'm here today to tell you you don't know shit. There comes a time in every man's life when he's gotta take a look at himself in the mirror and decide just exactly who he is. Well I've come to that crossroads and I have decided, Kenny Powers is a man, Kenny Powers is an athlete, Kenny Powers is a lover. But the most he is, I mean the thing Kenny Powers is the most, is a goddamn champion. And the one thing a champion does not do is fuckin quit. A true champion faces his enemies and he conquers them. And that is why I am here today to tell you all that Kenny Powers is officially accepting the position of P.E. coach here at Jefferson Davis Middle School. That is until the majors call me back up. So let's get the teachin on! I'm out!

Danny McBride as Kenny Powers in season 1, episode 1 of Eastbound & Down
Submitted by tester on May 15, 2009